Thursday, March 31, 2011

Medical Guinea Pig

It's 3:18am and I'm awake and a tad jittery.  Why? Because I have met the doctor that has decided to find out what is wrong with me.  I know what you're thinking -- "Good luck with that".  I thought the same thing when he started mentally stroking his chin and scratching his head while mumbling about ct scans, mris, genetic testing, and things-I-can't-pronounce testing.  Starting tomorrow is the thing I can't pronounce, and it sounds like it will be the most unpleasant.  Wanna  know why?  Because even though it's been less than two months since the neurologist found the meds to "fix" me for lack of a better word (hush, I can hear you guffawing), I now have to cease all meds. 

Meds that I have grown to love.  I NEED them.  Give 'em baaaacccckkk to meeeee..... But I guess the whole point of the test, to see the stupid stinking symptoms (namely vertigo), will become irrelevant - notice the big word! - if I don't allow the symptoms to show up. But but but - and I'm whining now - I don't like the symptoms.  It's why I went to the doctor in the first place. And okay, maybe one of the meds isn't so new.  Maybe it's a med for anxiety because maybe I have a little problem with anxiety slash depression and need a little help.  Does anyone here have a problem with that? HUH? Anyone

Oh, what's the use.  Nothing's going  to help.  I'm going to die all sad and alone.  Even my dog will abandon me. No wait, I don't have a dog.  He's supposed to be mine but he likes my daughter better. My life sucks.  probably have a brain tumor and I only have three weeks to live.

And you wanna know what else the stupid medical people want me to do? They want me to give up caffeine for 48 hours! I. Don't. Think. So. Who are they kidding?  Are they giving up caffeine for 48 hours?  I seriously doubt it. And they want me to pay them?  Should be the other way around, to my way of thinking.  There's something so hinky about this whole plan.  I think maybe it's a conspiracy by the government.

I've often wondered if there's some paranoid scizophrenia in my family, but I haven't noticed any signs in me. Anyway, as I was saying...

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