Thursday, March 31, 2011

Medical Guinea Pig Part II

Tomorrow is the big day, my first big test.  The question: does Kerri have a brain?  The test: videonystagmography. Geez.  No thanks, I just had one. Video - I get that, it involves a camera.  Audio, hearing.  And graph means writing. The rest I don't know and I think that might be for the best. 

So, no meds for 48 hours, check.  My head has swollen to 3 times its recommended size and is lolling about on my shoulders as the room spins in circles and the voices in my head cry out in cacaphony.  I have halos around lights and vertigo and a monstrous living and breathing migraine. This test better yield some good stinking results. 

So I was rereading my instructions for the tests to make sure I didn't forget anything and have to reschedule the stupid thing.  No way am I going through this again. Step number one, and this must be important because it's the only real step and takes up the whole page.  I'll bullet it for you:

Discontinue all meds, including:
  • sleeping pills
  • tranquilizers
  • antidepressants
  • sedatives
  • narcotics/pains meds
  • antihistamines
  • vertigo meds/anti nausea meds
  • alcohol/caffeine
  • smoking
Have someone drive you to/from appt. You may not be able to drive.

Sleep a full night before the test.  I like this one.  You've taken away my sleeping pills, tranqs, antidepressants, sedatives, narcotics, nicotine, and alcohol, and you think I'm going to be able to sleep?  Disclaimer: I am not admitting to using the aformentioned substances. *hic*

And another favorite. DO NOT WEAR EYE MAKEUP. THIS INCLUDES MASCARA, EYELINER, AND EYE SHADOW.  Well, thank you for clarifying.  I didn't know what eye makeup was.  Do some people really need to be told this?

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