Sunday, May 20, 2012

Dear Peter,

Dear Peter,

I know how much you hate to throw away food, what with saving up for the next nuclear explosion and all, but listen....I just opened the refrigerator door and something tried to bite me.  I do not like when my food turns the tables on me.  I draw the line there.  And remember that white chocolate pudding we made?  It's not white anymore.  I took the liberty of offering some to Chewie - this is the dog that ate our couch, mind you.  He backed away. 

As for the thing that bit me, I cornered it on the second shelf with my Miracle Blade Ninja Knife, guaranteed to cut through steel or slice a tomato wafer thin - my choice - and again offered it to Chewie.  He ran yelping around the corner of the house and I haven't seen him since.  You weren't particularly fond of him, right? 

So, I cleaned out the fridge
and realized that for once the kids were right.  We really don't have anything to eat.  We have mayonaisse, which is nice.  And olives.  I hope you can forgive me for, and I quote, "throwing out perfectly good food that will make another meal.  After all, these kids are getting entitled, thinking they have to have fresh made food every day.  Left overs were good enought for me, they're good enough for them.  Why, back when I was a kid, I was lucky if I got a home cooked meal......".  And you walked barefoot to school uphill both ways, in snow.  Yes, I know.  I've even caught myself doing it to Chad a few times lately, so I sympathize, Ebenezer.  Just this week, I caught myself saying, "My first dining room table was from a garage sale and had three legs and one chair and I was proud of it! I sat under that missing leg and held the table up."  I even managed a tear. 

We may have to resort to nibbling on the 200 pounds of horse food I so faithfully buy each week for the four leggers, because I've inadvertantly starved the two leggers we brought into the world.  Do you think we can be brought up on charges for that? 

Eat up while your on the ship, dear.  It's lean at home. 

With Much Love,


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