Saturday, April 23, 2011

Buddy's Story Part 2: Buddy's Side

Hey, I'm Buddy.  My Mama exaggerates.  Just wanted to tell you that.

So the other day I was out hanging with my pal slash nemesis Sugar and we went next door to the weeds.  Sometimes there's bunnies in the weeds and I'm the best derned bunny chaser ever, yessirree, that's me. One time I even bit the tail fluff right off this white tail rabbit and it was the funniest thing I ever did see. He was so mad...well anyway, I'm getting away from my story.

So me and Sugar Booger (I love calling her that cuz she hates it) were sniffing around in the weeds, talking and laughing about how we knocked over the trash in the barn and ripped it all up and Mama didn't even knowed it yet, when I saw this movement in the bush in front of me.  First, I thought it was a rope but it moved and I was like, "Whoooaaaa, dude!  Check it out!"  I jumped at the moving rope and moved even faster.  Scared me so bad that I'm a little embarrassed to admit this but, well, I may have tinkled a little, but you would have too! 

Sugar laughed at me and called me a sissy.  I ain't no sissy!  No one calls me a sissy.  I went back after that rope and jumped right on it's tail.  The front of whipped around at me and hissed something awful.  But I wasn't letting go, no I wasn't.  I'm not a sissy. I'm a guard dog, and no little moving rope is gonna scare me! 

Well, I'm fixing to tell you something that is gonna shock your shoes right off'n your feet.  That rope can talk.  I ain't lying to ya.  Just ask Sugar.  She'll tell you.  The rope, it's sez, "Get off my tail, you dumb mutt, or I'll bite you so hard your mama'll feel it!" 

"Ha!  Shows what you know, you dumb rope.  I'm adopted!  'sides, ropes can't talk!"  So there.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  No one messes with the Budster and walks away unscathed and.....OW!!!  OW OW OW!  What the...!

"I tried to tell you. Now get off my tail." 

"That hurt!  Why'd you go and do that?  I never did anything to you.  I was just talking nice like and you went and -....OW!  You did it again!  Why'd you bite me again?!  That's not nice!"  I was still standing on the mean rope's tail and it was rearing back for another lick at me, and I knew I was done for, good as gone, but that ol' Sugar's good for something 'sides knocking over trash cans and digging holes in the front yard and bossing me around.  She ran slap into me and knocked me over just as the rope tried to strike.  It missed this time, thank the Good Lord, as my mama calls him.  The rope hissed at me as it slithered down to the creek that next time it wouldn't be so nice.  Nice?!  I'd hate to see mean, for gracious sakes.

"Come on, Dummy.  Let's get you home."  Sugar almost sounded nice, and she saved my life too.  Maybe she's not all about eating, sleeping, and getting me in trouble for her intestinal issues.  Most likely she wants me to live so she can have someone to blame, but whatever.  I start home.

The pain!  Oh my word, the P.A.I.N!!!  The neighbor dog Bella said labor is the worst possible pain but I'll trade her birthing 10 puppies and give her this rope burn any day.  I laid down, right there with my home in sight, and told Sugar to go on without me.  I'll just die in agony and no one will care if I'm gone. She can have my dogbone and my chew toy. 

"I don't want your nasty Dollar Tree toy with your nasty boy slobber on it.  Get your scrawny, sissy butt up and walk three legged like a man. Go on, get up!  March!"

Did she just call me a sissy?  After what I went through? The nerve!  I'm telling my mama.  Well, I tell you what, I marched my yellow and white self all the way across the field, through the horse pasture, even offering a greeting to the grazing beasts (although I didn't snap at their heels as usual), climbed the porch steps, and barked to be let in.  I'm so glad I have my human children trained.  They always jump up and let me in right away, probably because if they don't I scratch at the door until I tear the paint off. I couldn't have scratched today, but they didn't know that. 

Next thing you know, I hear Ainie screeching in that window shattering voice of hers, "Mamaaaa, Buddy's bleeding!"  It was the sweetest sound I could have heard right then.  Sugar went past me to "her" couch (she has her own couch, which I think is totally unfair) laid down, and told me I'd been very brave.

I knew everything would be all right. 

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