Thursday, September 15, 2011


I dedicate this to my precious cousin Joshua Oakes and my big brother Shawn Everett.  I wish I could change things for you.  I love you both so much.

I hate suicide.  I think I hate it more than anything else.  I want to take the one that did it and wake them up, shake them, and tell them to look around.

Look at your mother.  Does she look better off without you?  Look at her face.  Look in her eyes, in her blank, expressionless eyes.  There are no tears.  Do you know why?  Some pain is too deep to feel.  Do you think you did her a favor?  Her life will never be the same without you in it.  Twenty years from now, she will still have moments when she gets that lost, faraway look as she wonders, "why did you choose the darkness?  Why didn't you stay with me?"  Did you doubt her love for you?  Look at her now.  Do you still doubt her love for you? 

Look at your other family members, at your friends.  Do you think even one of them is better off without you in this world?  What about your children?  Children need their father, even flawed fathers.  Because a living, flawed father can get help and learn to be a better dad.  A dead one is just...dead.

I understand wanting to end it all.  I've thought about it before.  I've even half-heartedly attempted it.  I'm so glad I didn't succeed.  God gave us this gift of life, and we are to use it for His glory.  It's easier said than done, yes. 

If you think no one will care if you end your life, I'm sure you're wrong.  But let's just say that there is not one person in this world that cares, and maybe you're right.  But there is One that would care very much, and shed many tears if you threw his precious gift away.  And He matters most of all.

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