Tuesday, August 2, 2011
*Disclaimer - I wrote this on Saturday*
There’s something wrong with my computer! The internet won’t work. Sure the computer has been telling me for days that there’s something wrong with it, with little pop up windows and warning flags with skulls and crossbones on them and big “DANGER!!!” signs, but I thought it was just joking. Now I can’t even get into the internet because it says I have malicious spyware/security breach/hacking stuff going on. I’m currently running my McAfee (that I already had and didn’t say a word, not even a whisper). So far it’s found 56 cookies violations, at 22% scanned. Nice to know I’m “always” protected. Geez.
Anyway, at the first sign of problem – and by that I mean the first time I couldn’t get into Facebook – I called my hubby-man. He’s offshore working 12 hour shifts and usually longer so I can hang out on the couch all day with my laptop, remote control, and Dr. Pepper. A good man, he is. Anyway, as usual, I expected him to drop everything and help me with my problem as this was a real emergency, much more important than the safety of the 256 employees on board his glorified tugboat. He’s an IT/ET (that’s and Information Technologist/Extra Terrestrial, for those of you not in the know) so he’s knows about computers, and how to communicate with me.
He told me not to run the pop up windows because they are actual viruses, and if I click on them they’ll actually invade my laptop with the viruses they claim I already have. Well, duh! I already know this; I’m not dummy. I learn quick and I found out after destroying the last three computers that the warnings were bogus. My problem is that until McAfee stops running and fixes the problem, I can’t get into the internet. How am I going to play Gardens of Time? What if my Coliseum is ready to upgrade? What if I waste my energy? What if - *gasp* - someone passes my level because I haven’t been keeping up? I just can’t live with these thoughts.
Peter the Jerk is not the least be considerate of my dilemma and says something to the effect of “get a life” and how he has to go because he’s working and how I should try it some time. I’m working! I’m building a huge garden complete with Roman guards and a coliseum. ‘Tis no easy feat. So I don’t understand what he’s saying. There seem to be some undertones there, but what I’m not sure.
I try to pass the time quicker by watching a Lifetime movie. I’ll be locking my windows tonight, for sure. And checking to make sure my guns are loaded. And I’m thinking a German Shepherd named Cannibal might be in the plans. After the movie, I check McAfee – 30%. Good grief, I’m bored out of my skull. At this rate, I’m going to get so bored I’m going to resort to the lowest of all forms of entertainment….laundry. Say it’s not so.
My inner conscience says to toss a load in and fold a load and then check the status of the scan, but my out conscience beat the crap out of the inner self until the urge went away and I played a few games of Freecell, checked again – 33%. I closed the laptop and beat it against my head for a moment and decided to write my deepest feelings about my experiences.
I wrote this. Checked McAfee. 93%!!! We’re in the home stretch! Yes yes yes! Pretty soon I won’t have to care about my feelings anymore and I can just gossip with other people about my dog eating the guinea pigs and my kids annoying me and more interesting stuff than that. And then maybe at some point I’ll wash enough laundry that my kids can have clean drawers for church tomorrow.