Friday, July 1, 2011

Chad's First Big Boy Trip

So Chad went away on his first alone trip and turned 18.  How did this happen?  I didn't allow it, that's for sure.  I know I was just changing his dirty nappies last week (that embarrassing enough for you, Chaddy-boy?).  Anyway, it appears he was having the time of his life off on his own, which just served to add insult to injury to me, his poor beleagured mama. He sounded, I don't know, happy or something.  Again, not something I would ever allow.

Today he's on his way home!  Yay!  I can yell at him to clean up his room/mow the yard/take out the trash/everything else he never does anyway.  I've been rather bored all this week with only the younger three kids to yell at, and since they DO their chores (CHAD!) I don't have anything to yell at them about (CHAD!) but I do anyway just for the fun of it.

I got a text a bit ago. 

"Had a flat tire"

Oh good Lord, heavens to betsy.  My son is going to die.  I saw this very thing happen on TruTV.  A guy was changing his tire and some neanderthal done hit him and kilt him dead.  So I called my mama to tell her my baby had a flat tire.  And she reassured me like a good mama should. 

"And this is a holiday weekend.  Lots of drunks out."  That helped.

Oh my goodness goodness gracious.  What kind of mother was I to let my precious child, born of my blood, to go out into that wild vicious world without his mama?  Did he even know how to change a tire?  Did he even know what a jack was?  It was then I realized that I had an uncle that I never met that was pulled over and got hit by a car and died and that car never even stopped and he died and his mama was never the same again and God help me I was hyperventilating now.

Peter paused the DVR long enough to ask what my problem was.  I said Chad was dead and I missed him.  He called me a drama queen - can you imagine? - and said "the boy" would be fine, and to call him back if I was so upset.  Well, duh, he can't answer because he's dead, you big dummy.

Just then my phone rings, and it's Chad of all people.  Probably the state trooper had found his phone next to his bloody body and was calling to tell me the news, but it was actually Chad's voice. 

"Just wanted to let you know we have the spare on and are headed home.  We'll have to drive slow, so don't worry."

Don't worry, he says.

No comments:

Post a Comment