People are always asking me what it’s like to homeschool, so
I came up with a tidbit from the other day.
Enjoy.
Me: Ainsley, did you
get your language arts books out like I told you?
Ainsley: (who has
been happily jumping on my bed while I attempted to make phone calls, lands
with a thump and looks at me as if I have sentenced her to the gas chamber.) I don’t feel good. I’m sick.
Me: I hope you don’t
die before we finish school. Where are
your books?
Ainsley: *sigh* On
the table. (She shuffles her feet as she
makes her way to her death sentence, holding the back of hand to her
forehead.) Do I have a fever?
Me: No.
Ainsley: You didn’t
check!
Me: I have radar that
picks up on fevers. You don’t have one.
Ainsley: You’re gonna
feel bad if I die.
Me: I’ll cry
terribly. Let’s begin with the
definition of a verb. ‘A verb is a word…’ Ainsley, sit up, please, and say the
definition with me. Sit in the
chair. Sit UP. Now, let’s try again – ‘A verb is a word…’ If you don’t say it with me, we’re just going
to keep doing it until you do. I can sit
here all day. (Total lie, but what she doesn’t know…)
She finally mumbles the definition of a verb through heaving
sighs of disdain.
Me: In Exercise 1,
read the sentence to me.
Ainsley: I have a
scratch.
I’m looking at Exercise 1, and the sentence there is: Jimmy
Carter was president, so imagine
my confusion. I look at her. She’s picking at a scab. I’ve learned from
experience to never engage in these conversations.
Me: (louder) In
Exercise 1, read the sentence to me.
Ainsley: Buddy gave
it to me when we were playing. I have
one on this arm, too, but Scout did this one.
Me: Ainsley!
Ex-cer-cise ONE. READ. IT.
Ainsley: (looks at me accusingly) It hurts.
Me: (gritted teeth) Read. The. Sentence.
Ainsley: Don’t you even care if I’m in pain?
And that, my friends, is homeschooling in a nutshell.
