Homeschooling Lessons

People are always asking me what it’s like to homeschool, so I came up with a tidbit from the other day.  Enjoy.

Me:  Ainsley, did you get your language arts books out like I told you?

Ainsley:  (who has been happily jumping on my bed while I attempted to make phone calls, lands with a thump and looks at me as if I have sentenced her to the gas chamber.)  I don’t feel good.  I’m sick.

Me:  I hope you don’t die before we finish school.  Where are your books?

Ainsley:  *sigh* On the table.  (She shuffles her feet as she makes her way to her death sentence, holding the back of hand to her forehead.)  Do I have a fever?

Me:  No.

Ainsley:  You didn’t check!

Me:  I have radar that picks up on fevers.  You don’t have one.

Ainsley:  You’re gonna feel bad if I die.

Me:  I’ll cry terribly.  Let’s begin with the definition of a verb.  ‘A verb is a word…’  Ainsley, sit up, please, and say the definition with me.  Sit in the chair.  Sit UP.  Now, let’s try again – ‘A verb is a word…’  If you don’t say it with me, we’re just going to keep doing it until you do.  I can sit here all day. (Total lie, but what she doesn’t know…)

She finally mumbles the definition of a verb through heaving sighs of disdain. 

Me:  In Exercise 1, read the sentence to me.

Ainsley:  I have a scratch.

I’m looking at Exercise 1, and the sentence there is:  Jimmy Carter was president, so imagine my confusion.  I look at her.  She’s picking at a scab. I’ve learned from experience to never engage in these conversations.

Me:  (louder) In Exercise 1, read the sentence to me. 

Ainsley:  Buddy gave it to me when we were playing.  I have one on this arm, too, but Scout did this one.

Me: Ainsley!  Ex-cer-cise ONE.  READ. IT.

Ainsley: (looks at me accusingly) It hurts.

Me: (gritted teeth) Read. The. Sentence.

Ainsley: Don’t you even care if I’m in pain? 

 

And that, my friends, is homeschooling in a nutshell.