Mama's Visit

Today my mama visited me.  We had a normal visit, where she assured me she didn't want me to cook.  Why is that?  I'm a good cook.

While we were at the restaurant (Mexican, my favorite), we had our normal conversation.

Mama:  Look at that girl's pants, hanging below her butt.

Donald:  Why are you looking at her butt?

Mama:  I can't hardly miss it.  It's huge. 

Please note that she's not whispering. 

Ainsley:  Who's butt, Maw Maw?  (in her glass-shattering squeaky voice)  I want to see the big butt.

Mama:  What do you want for Christmas, kids?

There's a various chorus of camo shirts, weapons of mass destruction, and pink ponies.  Notice that she didn't ask me, her only child.

Me:  I'd like a normal mother.

Mama:  That's not going to happen.

Ainsley:  I'd like a normal mother.

I tried to swipe some of her nachos and cheese, but she blocked me with some kungu fu move. 

Me: I gave you birth, now give me some cheese.

Ainsley:  No.

Me:  I'm taking back your birth.

She shrugged.

Mama laid her credit card on the table, which was irresponsible of her, soI took it. 

Mama:  Give that back.

Me:  This is my allowance.  You're 25 years behind. 

Mama:  I'm going to take back your birth if you don't give me back that card. 

She has issues and needs therapy.