My children have reached the age - finally - where they no longer follow me from room to room all day long. Instead, they have passed that torch on to the dogs. Now I'm followed from the moment I wake up in the morning by the click click of little nails on the floor as we walk about the house.
Are you going to the potty, Mama? Not by yourself, surely? Do you want me to keep you company?
As I shut the door in the sad puppy's face, I have a moment of guilt before I'm flood with a sense of freedom. It only lasts until I open the door again to be faced with not only the one rebuffed dog, but the rest of his tribe as well. Three pairs of eyes stare reproachfully at me. How dare I do my business without them? Such selfishness.
Are you going to sit on this couch, Mama? I call shotgun!
No, I called shotgun first!
No, me!
Nuh uh! Stupid! I'll bite your face off, you rat-face!
Weiner dog!
Maybe I should have just kept have kids? It's really not any different.
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